woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
