just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
