Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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