hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
