she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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