she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
