i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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