i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
