nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we made out on top of his cat.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
