I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
