According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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