and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
