so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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