Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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