and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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