but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
