rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
