Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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