Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize