wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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