wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
