Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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