found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
