this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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