I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
