Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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