New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
