You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
