I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
