I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
