it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's official drugs can't kill me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
