Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
