Sponge bath it is.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
