I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
