Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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