also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
smell my finger.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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