I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
