Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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