You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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