He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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