I wannas sexs uuuuu
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
