I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Fuck appropriateness.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
