i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
