There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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