I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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