you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
