Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
