did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
