I have demons in me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
