My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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