I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
