You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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