I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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