Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
soo... how was my night?
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