Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
