Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
