Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Your dad touched me again.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
