I wish i was in the wii world.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
