You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Randomize
