matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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