We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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