Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
