Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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