How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize