I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
