Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
