I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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