I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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