I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize