So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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