Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
