My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
