Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
