hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
