The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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