Will you blow on my dice?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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