no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
