i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
