i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
