Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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