Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
