IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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