Cold hands, warm shart.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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