When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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