I think my vagina is haunted
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
