I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
