You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
All the doctor said was why
Randomize