I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
