Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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