its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
