After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
