Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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