This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she looked like the before picture.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
