So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
