You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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