I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
