Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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